Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Randomize
