Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
