I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
