genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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