At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
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