I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
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