dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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