Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
