Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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