READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
