I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
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