His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
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I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
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In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
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