all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
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Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
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Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
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