Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
