so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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