And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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