She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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