Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
