I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
