i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
