Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
