please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
