Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
