She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
