I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
