I am puke
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Randomize
