Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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