i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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