He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
We don't watch enough power rangers
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
