so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
