you mean i was at the winter classic?
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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