it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
