the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
we should paint friendship bongs
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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