now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Randomize
