Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Randomize
