You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
