Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
It all started with a game of naked twister.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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