ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
