I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
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