I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Randomize
