"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Please, let me fuck your mom
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Randomize
