I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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