you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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