I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize