Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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