Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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