It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Randomize
