please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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