Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
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