I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
