Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
