Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
