at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
