I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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