do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Randomize
