You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
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