im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
