a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
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