just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
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