my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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