I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
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The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
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I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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