Me. At least after what I've been through.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
