Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
