Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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