ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
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