Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Randomize
