Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
