1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
