someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
