Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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