Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
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His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
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She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
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