You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Randomize
